« Blaine, but not forgotten | Main | Ho Hum »

May 28, 2002

Success, despite one's own self-image

Success, despite one's own self-image

I've had a few people close to me say "Yeah, and?" about this, but I think they must be smitten by a madness, so here's the real truth.

I work in interactive TV. We have a commissioning process. In terms of content areas to make interactive, we're the hard bit. The really hard bit. So we got left till last.

Before that I was in online. We owned brands, but had no money. We were the underdogs. We were a problem. We got left till last.

Big scary departments around me have monstrous funding commitments for their new media activities. We have about a tenth of what they get.

Yet, I found out today that at the last commissioning round, I got more commissions than any other division of the large UK-based media organisation I work for. We even ended up with one of our projects listed under someone else's patch mistakenly, so we actually did even better than we'd first hoped.

Which, to be honest, just doesn't fit with my model of how the world works. I'm the bitter one who it never works out for, and everyone else gets loads of kudos money and fun. I have to sit at the back and say "It's Not Fair". This is, as they say, my job.

But now some awkward sod has gone and believed me. They've got confidence I can deliver. They think I can bring in new audiences. My proposals were well thought out. Other sections had *every* proposal they put in turned down.

Oh fuck...

All the baggage I've carried around with me since the age of about 5 - I feel like someone's just tapped me on the shoulder and said "Don't worry, it's all going to be fine". And meant it. And to be honest, it's just too damn much to take in.

I've never got teary at a spreadsheet before.

Posted by Tom Dolan at May 28, 2002 12:00 AM


Post a comment

Thanks for signing in, . Now you can comment. (sign out)

(If you haven't left a comment here before, you may need to be approved by the site owner before your comment will appear. Until then, it won't appear on the entry. Thanks for waiting.)

Remember me?