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April 25, 2002

I'm definitely feeling more

I'm definitely feeling more adventurous.

An emotional break has occurred with my past, and some of it's to do with blogging, and some of it's to do with what started me blogging.

As I said at the start - a lot of this is to do with the realisation that I might not actually be a complete twat. I emphasise the *might*. When Rageboy listens to you talking without that look in his eyes that empirically means 'nope, you haven't got it yet', you start to feel that perhaps your self-esteem needs a health-check.

The old saying (is it an old saying? No idea, I'm a scientist, me!) "The unexamined life is not worth living" seems to ring doubly true. I realised that I'd spent most of my life thinking that my net value to the world wasn't actually that much, so what was the point of examining it. Now I've started to sift things through - blimey have I found some stuff that needs sorting out. Hence the two days leave-of-absence. There was a lot to mull.

I feel like I'm in a stage of converting bitter experience into wisdom. And I'm finding that there's a hell of a lot of stuff I can just throw out. Which is odd, for someone who always acted by the mantra 'Indecision is the key to flexibility' and 'Handle each piece of paper as many times as it takes you to do something with it through sheer guilt'. This sort of life change is very hard, but the people around me seem to be reacting to it surprisingly well. There was always a bit of me that believed I could only survive through style over substance - I think I've now realised that the style was actually getting in the way!

Oh, and all that stuff about "where I think it's all going" is coming, honestly!

Posted by Tom Dolan at April 25, 2002 01:01 AM


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