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April 22, 2002

Some of us have

Some of us have perfect complexions. Some of us have always had perfect complexions. The rest of us, for better or worse, occasionally get the odd spot. And there's nothing worse than "The Mountain Spot"

Mountain Spots are those ones that don't quite burst. Lurking under the skin, you squeeze them in the hope that it'll all go pop, and you can sit there - pusfree - panting slightly from the pain. But the Mountain Spot knows better. You still have all that pain, and the panting which ought to be of relief, but the knowledge that you've got to go through it all again.

I'm trying to move house.

The last 18 months in my current house have been awful. An ongoing torrent of invasions of personal space that have made me scared to go home. Have left me terrified of hearing the thump of another football against the wall of my house. Tired of having the sound of a child's raised voice making my shoulders go into stress-related spasm.

Today, we rehearsed our 'new journey into work'.

We drove from our house to the road we'd most dearly like to live in - even though we don't quite yet know how we can afford it - and walked to what will be our new tube station. We got on, and went to work. And then, in the evening, we came 'home' again. (It makes a little bubble of tearfulness well up inside me to put those quotation marks round it).

We walked past green parks. We heard birdsong. We saw nice people. We breathed cleaner air. And nowhere was there a single cluster of teenagers hanging around waiting for something to happen - possibly you.

For a chunk of today, and for the first time in ages, I wasn't scared - and it was almost too much to bear.

Because, at the end of it, I had to go back to my real home. This house we've done so much to, taken such care of, made into the perfect nest. Which we can't bring ourselves to live in any more. But have to for another 6 months.

As I say, Mountain Spots. Panting after the pain, and wondering why it's not over yet.

Posted by Tom Dolan at April 22, 2002 11:01 PM


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